Gnomes Just Wanna Have A Good Time: The Creation of Gnomes & Gnoldo the Mushroom King

The gnome's patron god is not an overbearing or grandiose father like Iaur of the elves or Urd of the dwarves. Gnoldo the Mushroom King, or "Father Mushroom" as he is often affectionately called by his children, does not demand they carry out any crusades or live by a strict code. If anything, Gnoldo just wants his children to have fun.

As the story goes, gnomes are from the Twilight Realm of Dawn, where all feyfolk originate from the silliest pixie to the nobles elf. Gnoldo's creation is rarely a topic of discussion among gnomish priests or scholars but most would say that Gnoldo was born from the smile or laughter of the Mother. It is then postulated that he became trapped under the ground during the cataclysm that destroyed the clay peoples and remained their for eons before the sound of a single drop of water splashed upon a pool in the cavern, that the gnomes call the Cavern of Souls, made the sound of tittering laughter and awoke him.

Gnoldo found the pool, a pool of the mother's tears shining like a rainbow, and saw a reflection of himself. Amused, the god began telling himself jokes and, with each punchline, the pool bubbled up. Each bubble was so beautiful and unique that Gnoldo scooped them up and, to his surprise, they were beautiful gemstones beyond compare. He told jokes until he had so many different colored gems he had to use magic to create a bottomless bag of holding to carry them all.

It is said that these gems, called "Soul Gems", contain the unborn souls of every gnome, born of the Mother's tears and the gnome-father's jokes, and that every newly born gnome is a gift from Gnoldo himself.

Gnoldo was so proud of his gems that he told everyone in the Dawn realm about his treasure and showed them off in the Fey courts. This way a mistake. Several powerful feylords and beings tried to steal the bag away. Eventually, one of Gnoldo's card game partners, a clever kobold named Zomokar Wyrm-Tongue managed to steal away the bag while Gnoldo nodded off during a game of Turnips.

Zomokar stole the gems and took themto his home under Wyrm Hill. There he planted the gems and gnomes grew like mushrooms in the soil. He dug them up and had them slave away in his mines. Zomokar became rich and powerful beyond his wildest dreams. His mines were so impressive that even the gods grew envious. He ignored their requests until Tiamat, the dragon queen herself, asked for a tour of the mines.

Zomokar and his kobolds worked the gnomes into overtime to prepare for the visit, sweeping every bit of dirt from every hall and shining every gemstone until the halls of Wyrm Hill were a divine sight to behold, and prepared a great feast. Tiamat arrived in the form a of a beautiful woman with dark hair wearing a dress of red, blue, black, green and white scales.

The kobold was quick to try and impress the goddess. He gave her a grand tour and many gifts, including the bag of soul gems. She seemed impressed. At the feast, she requested he invited every kobold and gnome into the great hall that the kobold had set up by digging out a large cavern in the middle of the mines. With the room filled with gnomes and kobolds, Tiamat asked to stand and speak a few words.

Tiamat began telling jokes, mocking Zomokar, much to his frustration and confusion. As she did so, the gnomes and kobolds began laughing. The laughter was so great that is shook the very walls of the dining hall. The laughter was so great that it echoed through all the halls of the mine and shook the supports of every tunnel. The laughter was so great that the whole mine came crashing down.

After all, it wasn't Tiamat at all. It was Gnoldo in disguise. Just as the hall fell in around them, Gnoldo revealed himself and Zomokar cursed him. The cave in killed all the kobolds of Wyrm Hall, even Zomokar who's hatred of Gnoldo ascended him to godhood but trapped him in his collapsed mine (leading to the rivalry between kobolds and gnomes to this day), and, with Gnoldo's mercy, the gnomes were returned to gem form. Gnoldo dug each of them out of the collapse hill, scooping them into his bag, and took the bag with him to the material plane to give them a second chance.

The gnomes split into two groups: the gnomes that had been reverted to gems after being slaves became the rock gnomes and those that had remained in the bag became forest gnomes.

Rock gnomes live in burrow settlements built in hillsides. They are known to be more social among gnomes, particularly setting up profitable partnerships with dwarves, and are known for being friendly, inquisitive, and energetic. Rock gnomes embody the inventive nature of Gnoldo, making toys and machines both for their own amusement and profit, and are some of the most clever peoples in the world of Narya. They are usually difficult to differentiate between forest gnomes but rock gnomes are known to have more natural hair and eye colors and are built taller and more solidly than their forest counterparts. They are much more likely to come to conflict with neighboring enemies, especially kobolds, and have a warrior culture.

Forest gnomes live in secluded villages built in forests. They are known for being shyer than rock gnomes and often go so far as to protect the locations of their homes with powerful magic. Indeed, the forest gnomes are just as curious and friendly as rock gnomes, but are usually more cautious than their rock kin. They seek to maintain peace and tranquility, avoiding conflict when they can, and ally themselves with unusual creatures to maintain their peace. Forest gnomes are extremely playful, making games out of their farming and crafting work, and are known for being childlike. They also stand out due to their brightly colored hair, from bubblegum pink to neon green, and matching bright clothing. They avoid conflict by using illusion magic and clever tricks.

There are also Deep Gnomes who, in Sublanarya, are remnants of gnomes who escaped giant slavery by going deeper into the Underdark

Deep gnomes are hardy, secretive, and serious. They are actually at odds with the stereotpical gnome personality. It is believe that their optimism and cheerful demeanor was beat and bred out of them by the giants. They are mostly unheard of but some have made contact with dwarves and gnomes in recent years briefly. While shrewd, sullen and even suspicious, they seemed well-meaning in these meetings, trading well-crafted goods and information about local threats in these exchanges, before disappearing back to their secret cities. They have ashen grey skin and dark eyes. Males are remarkably lacking in hair or beard, while their females wear their white, grey or black hair short to their heads. Svirneblin are used to fighting the many horrors and foes of the Underdark.

Gnomes are often called the "forgotten folk" because of their emphasis to avoid meddling in or being meddle with by other creatures affairs.

If there is a "doctrine" of gnome religion it is pretty simple: have fun.

Gnome priests emphasize that, while life can often be difficult and challenging at time, a good attitude will help you weather any troubles. A good sense of humor and sharp wit will help you overcome obstacles. Friends and family are greater treasures than any gemstone.

Pessimism and negativity should be rejected and over-seriousness and self-importance should be avoided. It is important to promote optimism and positivity.

You should work to keep everyone in good spirits. Everyone in the community should work together to make sure that everybody is happy and healthy. The greater good of the community should always be considered.

Do not fear change, embrace it. Do what works.

If there is any criticism against gnome ideology, particularly by their dwarven friends, it is that gnomes often seem to just ignore their problems rather than confront them directly and that they don't take anything seriously. Gnomes always prefer compromise over conflict. This can often lead to gnomes allowing something to get out of hand because they believe that the problem to just go away.

Despite the criticism, it is clear that have successfully avoided the wars and catastrophes that have devastated Sublanarya in recent history.

An important side aspect of gnome priests, often jokingly called "mushroom farmers", is the importance of the "magic mushroom" to gnome culture. "Non-magic" mushrooms are grown as food by gnomes living in cavern or forest. The mushroom is considered a gift from Gnoldo.

Magic mushrooms, on the other hand, caused those who eat them to hallucinate. Gnome priests believe it is possible to see beyond the material plane and into the ethereal and divine by proper use of these mushrooms. In fact, those that manage to master these "trips" are said to be visited by Gnoldo himself.

Magic mushrooms are grown recreationally and for special religious holidays. In fact, it is considered an important rite of passage for a young gnome to take magic mushrooms on his name day. Usually, they are given as a gift by the gnome priests and the experience is supposed to give the young gnome their first taste of responsibility. That said, magic mushroom abuse is a problem in some gnome communities. Gnome priests are supposed to regulate and oversee the use of the mushrooms to prevent abuse but it still happens.

Furthermore, as the magic mushrooms have made it out of gnomish communities they have become highly prized commodities among intellectuals, spellcasters and nobility wishing to "meet the mushroom king". Magic mushrooms are actually illegal unless by gnomes in special gnome ceremonies in lands controlled by the Iaurdin Empire. That has done little to slow the spread of this popular drug.

It is said there are still gnomes in the fey realm, diminutive as pixies, that live amongst Gnoldo's mushroom fairies. If there are, they've learned to hide over the millennia from the dawn fey and would likely be even harder for those native to the material plane to find their ilk. Especially if they are being guarded by the mushroom fairies.

Mushroom fairies are said to grow wherever Gnoldo goes. They are usually peaceful and easy-going creatures, prone to a little mischief when they are small, but otherwise gentle. That is until someone or something threatens their young or they are riled to protect their homes. Mushroom fairies can grow to incredible sizes and know powerful fey magic that make them a serious threat to any forest or caverns under their protection.

Gnomes consider them to be sacred creatures, some gnomes priests even inviting them into their villages for special festivals, but most marking their territory as sacred places off limits.

As for Father Mushroom, he is said to travel the planes playing pranks, looking after gnomes and growing new mushroom forests. Plus he still has to contend with enemies like Zomokar and Dezmar the White Mole.

GNOLDO THE MUSHROOM KING

Title(s)

The Little Old Man, Father Mushroom, King Toadstool

Pantheon(s)

Gnomish

Power Level

Greater Deity

Alignment

Neutral Good

Symbol

A white-spotted red toadstool

Portfolio

Mushrooms, gnomes, mining, illusions, merrymaking

Domains

Trickery, Nature

Worshipers

Gnomes, hermits, merrymakers, forest and cave dwellers, mushroom farmers

Favored Weapon

Pick

 

DEZMAR THE WHITE MOLE

Title(s)  

The White King, The Burrower, The Blind Whisperer

Pantheon(s)

Gnome

Power Level

Lesser Deity

Alignment

Neutral Evil

Symbol

A white and purple star

Realm

Underdark

Portfolio

Bloodlust, greed, destruction, slavery, cruelty

Domains

Death,

Worshipers

Duergar, derro, evil gnomes, dwarves, and psions

Favored Weapon

Picks

ZOMOKAR WYRM-TONGUE

Title(s)  

King of Cowards, The Buried Dragon, The Cravenlord, Scalefather

Pantheon(s)

Kobold

Power Level

Lesser Deity

Alignment

Lawful Evil

Symbol

A pair of curled horns framed by draconic wings

Realm

Wyrm Hill

Portfolio

Kobolds, sorcery, schemes, mining, hatred

Domains

Death, Forge

Worshipers

Kobolds, sorcerors, miners, trapmakers, traitors

Favored Weapon

Sling